Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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