new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
