So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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