Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
