Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
