no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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