there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think a kid would responsible me up
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize