I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
its liver damage thursday
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
