my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
