Your face is a jimmy john
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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