If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize