oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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