Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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