I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize