Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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