She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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