Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
