"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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