12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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