i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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