Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
