last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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