Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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