I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They took my balls.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
