...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
