dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
