ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
