I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
