TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
