She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
