I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
