it hurts more in the daytime
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
