half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
