she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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