let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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