look no pants
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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