i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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