FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
