a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
