How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
