$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
