I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize