Pappa wants mamma naked
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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