my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This is the high leading the old right now
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
