Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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