i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
