Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
