we have officially lost it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
