just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
