All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I deserve this hangover.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
