brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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