We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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