Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
