We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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