so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
