i just wanna soil my oats bro
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
