Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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