He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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