Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
