why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
