we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
