his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
