Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
