I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
