How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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