she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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