I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im holly from the hills drunk
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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