So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
