Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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