I'm lost and stupid without you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
