when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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